


Series of Silly Scenes

by Birdlad (Argothia)



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Gen, Pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:56:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argothia/pseuds/Birdlad
Summary: Maybe the world (or at least Bruce's blood pressure) is better off when Tim and Damian are arguing...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Scenes from a fic I started writing but never fully fleshed out, they still make a nice story when strung together though!

“You did what?!” For the first time Tim and Damian don’t look in the least bothered by the fact that they spoke in unison. Their mutual outrage at the news their older brother has just dumped on them out weighing their usual rivalry.

Dick smiles at them. “I spoke with a friend of mine who’s a therapist for superheroes, she said she’d be willing to see you both and help you work out your differences.”

“There’s nothing to work out!” Tim looks absolutely furious. “We hate each other!”

Damian keeps his eyes trained on Dick but indicates that he agrees with Tim with a motion of his hands.

Dick stands with his hands on his hips and tries to look stern. “You’re going to the sessions and you’re going to learn to get along. Bottom line!”

“You can not make us.” Damian exchanges a look with Tim. “Can he?”

Tim scowls. “Unfortunately… he can.”

“What?! How?” Damian’s voice rises with indignation.

As Dick lets a huge grin spread across his face, Tim explains. “He can whine at Bruce… and Bruce can make us do it… with less of our dignity intact.”

“So it is to be blackmail…” Damian sighs. “Then I suppose we must endure this torture.”

Tim groans quietly.

***

“You realize you’ve royally screwed up, right?” Jason’s mask hides his expression, but Dick can imagine the look of blank resignation that accompanies his monotone voice. “Like at this moment I have to bow before you because you are the superior screw up.”

Dick cocks his head to one side and asks. “How so?”

“You’ve unleashed a horror on this earth that we’ll never live to see the end of.” Jason’s waxing melodramatic. “Like, Replacement’s got a supercomputer where his brain should be and the demon spawn is a master of being a fucking ninja.”

“It’ll be fine.” Dick huffs as he turns his attention back to the warehouse they’re supposed to be watching. “I mean, it’s not like I’m asking them to become best friends, I’m just sick of their constant squabbling. Besides, in the meantime you get to go on patrol with me every Thursday.”

“Wonderful.” Sarcasm drips from Jason’s voice. “I’m just all warm with the glow of brotherly love, Dickiebird. No wait… that’s anger… easy mistake.”

***

Bruce stops cold as he enters a room to find Damian and Tim sitting together in there with nothing broken or destroyed. Tim’s draped across the couch with his laptop perched precariously on his abdomen. Damian is on the floor beside him, sunk down so low that his head is rested against the couch cushion, reading a book. Neither seem to notice Bruce until he speaks. “Should I be worried?”

Tim looks up at him. “Hm?”

“You two are in the same room and not trying to kill each other…” Bruce takes a cautious step back. “How?”

“Grayson decided it was a wise idea to force us into therapy so we could ‘learn to get along’.” Damian snorts.

Bruce raises an eyebrow. “And that… worked?”

“No.” A malicious grin spreads across Tim’s face as a screech echoes across the house. “But we sort of bonded over getting revenge.”

The pair high fives and Bruce backs away slowly.

***

“This is all your fucking fault.” Jason groans as he rests his head on the table refusing to look up at Dick.

The older brother is furiously trying to wash the neon pink dye out of his hair in the sink. “I just wanted them to stop trying to kill each other! That’s not wrong, Jay.”

“You’ve put together the absolute worst team and made them like each other, Dick!” Jason whines. “You will never win another prank war. Bye bye, paintball champion of Wayne Manor trophy, I hardly knew ye!”

“You’ve got no reason to whine, you’re not the one who had magenta hair dye snuck onto your shampoo!” Dick snaps back. “…Wait… we have a trophy for Paintball?”

Jason shrugs. “Really more something I just took, but yeah… The point is that you messed up big time, Dickiebird! How could you sabotage all of us like that?!”

“Oh, shut up.” Dick raises his head finally, glaring into the mirror at the bright pink that has finally been reduced to just faint highlights. “Bruce is gonna forbid me from patrolling until this is completely gone I can just sense it.”

“Why would you even wanna go out there with those two little monsters out for your blood?” Jason asks with genuine surprise. “If it were me I’d be hiding under my fucking bed by now. Take my advice, Goldie: Hide until one of them does something to tick the other off again. S'for your own good!”

“Relax, Jay.” Dick says as an idea strikes him. “Actually, I think I’ve got this all under control. Could you go get me that old tool kit Bruce keeps in the garage?”

“Oh, no, you ain’t dragging me into this.” Jason holds up his arms in an ‘X’. “Nuh-uh, no fucking way! I don’t want no part in your damn scheming!”

“You will.” Dick smirks. “Because I know where Alfred hid the water guns.”

***

Alfred has just finished cleaning a plate and begins to set it on the sideboard when Master Bruce suddenly appears, a towel already in hand, and takes it from him. It is not terribly difficult to guess why the man has taken a sudden interest in chores. “Avoiding your children, sir?”

“Trying not to get caught in the crossfire.” Master Bruce corrects, mildly.

Chuckling, Alfred sets about washing the next plate. “If this keeps up we may have to make an impromptu visit to Mr and Mrs Kent to avoid that, I’m afraid.”

“That’s plan B.” A small smile touches Master Bruce’s face. “Though I must admit, it has had some… beneficial results. At the very least, Tim and Damian are working together… even if it is against their brother.”

“‘Brothers’.” Alfred amends and sighs at the look of dismay on his grown charge’s face. “I spotted Master Jason sneaking your discarded tool box up to Master Dick’s room last night. I’m not certain what they are planning, but it is unlikely to be anything less than vengeance against Masters Tim and Damian.”

Master Bruce is silent for a moment, as he puts away the dish in his hands, then he turns to Alfred with a look of resignation. “The Kents’ farm might not be far enough, Alfred.”

At precisely that moment there is a loud splash and unanimous cries of alarm. Followed by a pair of young voices shouting death threats at their brothers.

“Indeed, sir.”


End file.
